Our Own Worst Enemy?

As I read my Bible-in-a-year chapters the other day, I was struck by a couple of verses in Psalm 69. With online Easter worship still fresh in my mind, the verses reminded me of the power of Christ’s love, sacrifice and resurrection.

We’ve been living through strange and frightening times with this pandemic. As we shelter in place, it’s easy to feel besieged — by loneliness, boredom, fear, viruses. Our fears loom large after yet another sleepless night.

“Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.”
Ps 69:4

Yet when we feel overwhelmed by it all, we remember the love that led One to “restore what He did did not steal.” We can loosen our grip, even if it’s just a little at first. As my 12-step program teaches, we can surrender to our higher power “just for today.”

“Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me.” Ps 69:15

But can’t our own thoughts behave like enemies? We worry about loved ones, opinions of others, even the next Presidential election. I know that when I’m tired or overwhelmed, my own thoughts seem to “engulf me” or “swallow me up.” Can you relate?

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” 2 Peter 1:2

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

Whether a threat is external or internal, God’s grace and peace never change. We are the ones who come and go, who hold tightly to our fears. But the more we seek knowledge of God, the more we can recognize God’s grace and peace.

Grateful for the One who paid what He did not owe, restored what He did not steal.

I hope this post finds you well!

Tarnished Silver Lining?

I had big plans for the COVID-19 stay-at-home period. I would stay positive and savor the renewed sense of fellowship and caring I was witnessing in our community. Neighbors ran errands (and still do!) for their at-risk neighbors. Stores offered cure-side delivery and set aside shopping hours for elderly and high-risk customers. Brightly colored, encouraging chalk art appeared on local sidewalks. 

In short, we counted our blessings and noted how staying apart was drawing us closer. It was easy to find a silver lining to this dangerous time. 

But now, that silver lining has tarnished. Terror seeps in as the death toll continues to rise. On the news, we see field hospitals in New York’s Central Park. We hear reports of thousands of deaths in nursing homes — more than we previously realized. We worry obsessively about vulnerable loved ones. We miss seeing friends at the coffee shop, church or the gym. We carry out the surreal tasks of making protective masks, rationing toilet paper and wondering if the grocery shelves will be stocked today. In fact, it’s been weeks since I’ve set foot in a store.

How do I “stay positive” when each day looks less and less like the life I took for granted? The truth is, I can’t. None of us can, and we don’t have to because we can’t hold it together indefinitely.

We’re in good company, in fact. Even faith heroes of the Bible had moments when all they could do was wring their hands and sit with their pain. King David said it well, many times:

“My heart is afflicted, and withered like grass;

I even forget to eat my bread.” Psalm 102:4

“I am worn out from my groaning.

All night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears.” Psalm 6:6

Then we are reminded that we are not alone:

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Sometimes all we can do is lean on the One who can carry all our burdens. We still can’t see beyond the next report of confirmed COVID-19 cases. We still don’t know when we’ll be able to browse in a bookstore or celebrate a friend’s birthday in person. 

All we can do is take God’s word for it — that we are loved with a love that is bigger than we can comprehend. Somehow that love keeps us hanging on,  giving us eyes to see our present day sacrifices as acts of love. 

So we get out of bed another day, still bewildered by the statistics and warnings that bombard us. Who wouldn’t be? 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I’ve often relied on this verse when my soul needs rest and refreshment. But today, I am struck by the words, “learn from me.” During a time of sheltering in place and social distancing, I certainly have the time and space to sit at His feet and listen, as did Martha’s sister Mary:

“She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.” Luke 10:39

For now, I will take Jesus up on His offer, not just to find rest, but to learn from Him. Maybe the lessons will come during prayer, or quiet moments in the garden, or even in the midst of worry. 

“I will give you rest.”

We sure need it.