12 Step Journey: Step 2 — Reason for Hope

Recovery is a process that is unique for each individual. My 12-step journey has centered around wanting to control people and situations. I sometimes wrongly put my hope in “fixing” loved ones and making everything turn out “right” (i.e., my way).  At my 12-step meeting today, the topic was DETACH — Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her. To my mind, this acronym fits perfectly with my own healing journey and with Step Two, February’s step of the month.

Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Right away, the words “came to believe” lets us know that Step Two is a process, not a destination or achievement. Our idea of a Higher Power will likely evolve. We find hope knowing that we’re not expected to have it all figured out at once. And we find hope when we first entertain the thought— however fleeting — that we can rely on a greater power.  

The word “could” reminds us that recovery does not happen on its own. We can’t continue our old, destructive behaviors and expect change. For example, if I am struggling with the need to control, I can put DETACH into practice. I have to remind myself that my Higher Power — God —  is in control.. Nagging, pleading and losing sleep are not going to convince a loved one to eat the “right” foods or have a positive attitude. 

Which brings us to that troubling last phrase — ”restore us to sanity.” Are we really talking about insanity here? Well, there is that famous quotation often attributed to Albert Einstein: 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing 

over and over again, but expecting different results.”

Whether or not Einstein really said it, that quotation explains the last part of Step Two. We go around in circles, desperately holding on to a behavior that nearly always makes matters worse. We resist letting go and dig in our heels. My need for control, for example, wears me out and likely annoys my loved ones. Yet my first instinct is usually to swoop in an take control.

So where is Hope? Hope is in knowing that healing is a process that can only get better. Hope is  the knowledge that only God is in control, and that I don’t have to figure it all out on my own. When I remember that only a greater Power has infinite wisdom, I trust God for my loved ones and for myself. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

When we DETACH in love, we make room for that greater power to mend relationships and heal broken spirits. 

In other words, to restore us to sanity!

On Returning to the Doctor’s Office

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared,  he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit” Titus 3:4-5 (NIV)

Neither my 82-year-old mom nor I wanted to be at the wound clinic this morning. More than a year ago, my mom began treatments at the clinic for a stubborn wound on her ankle — a wound that still hasn’t healed. The doctors and nurses tried a variety of treatments, from simple to experimental. I learned how to change dressings. Sometimes the dressing changes were painful and nearly broke my heart. Hope alternated with self-doubt and even shame. After all, it had been over a year. Surely we must be doing something wrong?

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Lord, where are you in this?

This past October — tired and stressed from many months of treatments and disappointment — my mom decided to take a break from the clinic visits. The clinic staff were very understanding and told us they would be there if we needed them. At home, I continued to change the bandages. At times the wound appeared to improve, while other times it grew larger. Finally, my husband John wisely urged us to make an appointment at the wound clinic. 

“Hello, ladies!” my mom and I heard as we walked up to the check-in desk at the clinic this morning. “How have you been?” What a difference a kind word and smile can make! I felt my blood pressure decrease about 30 points as we chatted with the receptionist. But in the waiting room, we still nervously expected to be scolded for taking so long to make an appointment.

“Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;

may your love and faithfulness always protect me.” Psalm 40:11 (NIV)

Lord, give us strength and be with us.

“Judith?” A smiling medical assistant held the door open and waited as my mom stood up at her walker and got her bearings. “It’s so good to see you!”

Nurses lovingly attended to my mom’s ankle. They gently joked with her. And reassured me.

“Don’t worry. We totally understand how tiring all those appointments got to be.”

The doctor came in and explained that non-healing wounds are common and that there was no reason to feel that we had failed. He explained various choices in treatments, from aggressive to minimal maintenance. We’ll decide and let him know next week.

“There’s no wrong answer,” the doctor said. “And you can always change your mind.”

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” — Mother Teresa

“She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Mark 5:26-28

Later that afternoon, I peeked in my mom’s room as she took a nap. She looked more relaxed than she had in years. 

True, the venous ulcer my mom’s ankle has not healed. But I know that Jesus healed my mom’s wounded spirit when she reached out for help. 

We often hear of people being the “hands and feet” of Jesus. Many times this happens as we go about our everyday lives and jobs. “The kindness and love of God our Savior” had indeed “appeared” at the clinic this morning.  And it made all the difference.