12 Step Journey: Step 2 — Reason for Hope

Recovery is a process that is unique for each individual. My 12-step journey has centered around wanting to control people and situations. I sometimes wrongly put my hope in “fixing” loved ones and making everything turn out “right” (i.e., my way).  At my 12-step meeting today, the topic was DETACH — Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her. To my mind, this acronym fits perfectly with my own healing journey and with Step Two, February’s step of the month.

Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Right away, the words “came to believe” lets us know that Step Two is a process, not a destination or achievement. Our idea of a Higher Power will likely evolve. We find hope knowing that we’re not expected to have it all figured out at once. And we find hope when we first entertain the thought— however fleeting — that we can rely on a greater power.  

The word “could” reminds us that recovery does not happen on its own. We can’t continue our old, destructive behaviors and expect change. For example, if I am struggling with the need to control, I can put DETACH into practice. I have to remind myself that my Higher Power — God —  is in control.. Nagging, pleading and losing sleep are not going to convince a loved one to eat the “right” foods or have a positive attitude. 

Which brings us to that troubling last phrase — ”restore us to sanity.” Are we really talking about insanity here? Well, there is that famous quotation often attributed to Albert Einstein: 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing 

over and over again, but expecting different results.”

Whether or not Einstein really said it, that quotation explains the last part of Step Two. We go around in circles, desperately holding on to a behavior that nearly always makes matters worse. We resist letting go and dig in our heels. My need for control, for example, wears me out and likely annoys my loved ones. Yet my first instinct is usually to swoop in an take control.

So where is Hope? Hope is in knowing that healing is a process that can only get better. Hope is  the knowledge that only God is in control, and that I don’t have to figure it all out on my own. When I remember that only a greater Power has infinite wisdom, I trust God for my loved ones and for myself. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

When we DETACH in love, we make room for that greater power to mend relationships and heal broken spirits. 

In other words, to restore us to sanity!

12 Step Journey: Step 1 — Lose the Cape!

 Image by Julian Fong via Flickr

I attended my first Al-Anon meeting about a year ago, and have attended off and on since then. In honor of my Star Word of 2020, sure, I’m ramping up my commitment to 12-Step work. Since this is the first Monday of the month, today’s meeting focused on the step of the month, Step One. We took turns reading from the Paths to Recovery chapter on the first step.

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol —

that our lives had become unmanageable

There are 12-Step programs for many types of recovery, including alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling and codependency. So the word “alcohol” in Step One can be replaced with whatever is appropriate. In my case, I am working on recovery from my need to control and “fix” people I love — a habit I developed growing up watching loved ones struggle with the effects of alcoholism.

The word “powerless” stops many of us in our tracks. Doesn’t that mean giving up? On the other hand, I have been a faithful Bible student and churchgoer for years. Can’t I pat myself on the back for being highly spiritual and yielding to a higher power?

Not so fast. At the same time I am trusting God, I am searching for the nearest phone booth so I can put on my cape. Today’s meeting shined a light on that habit, as well as my tendency to feel like a failure if my superhero powers fall short. 

I think every Al-Anon meeting I’ve attended has at least one aha! moment. My moment came with the realization that I not only need to acknowledge God’s power; I need to admit my own powerlessness. Otherwise, I keep getting in God’s way. You know how it goes: “I’m handing this over to You, Lord — but here, let me put my cape on in case You’re too busy!”

So I’m back in the program, doing the inner work. Looking forward to the next meeting. Finding a sponsor.

Losing the cape!

Have a blessed week!