Recovery is a process that is unique for each individual. My 12-step journey has centered around wanting to control people and situations. I sometimes wrongly put my hope in “fixing” loved ones and making everything turn out “right” (i.e., my way). At my 12-step meeting today, the topic was DETACH — Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her. To my mind, this acronym fits perfectly with my own healing journey and with Step Two, February’s step of the month.
Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Right away, the words “came to believe” lets us know that Step Two is a process, not a destination or achievement. Our idea of a Higher Power will likely evolve. We find hope knowing that we’re not expected to have it all figured out at once. And we find hope when we first entertain the thought— however fleeting — that we can rely on a greater power.
The word “could” reminds us that recovery does not happen on its own. We can’t continue our old, destructive behaviors and expect change. For example, if I am struggling with the need to control, I can put DETACH into practice. I have to remind myself that my Higher Power — God — is in control.. Nagging, pleading and losing sleep are not going to convince a loved one to eat the “right” foods or have a positive attitude.
Which brings us to that troubling last phrase — ”restore us to sanity.” Are we really talking about insanity here? Well, there is that famous quotation often attributed to Albert Einstein:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Whether or not Einstein really said it, that quotation explains the last part of Step Two. We go around in circles, desperately holding on to a behavior that nearly always makes matters worse. We resist letting go and dig in our heels. My need for control, for example, wears me out and likely annoys my loved ones. Yet my first instinct is usually to swoop in an take control.
So where is Hope? Hope is in knowing that healing is a process that can only get better. Hope is the knowledge that only God is in control, and that I don’t have to figure it all out on my own. When I remember that only a greater Power has infinite wisdom, I trust God for my loved ones and for myself.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)
When we DETACH in love, we make room for that greater power to mend relationships and heal broken spirits.
In other words, to restore us to sanity!
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