12 Step Journey: Step 1 — Lose the Cape!

 Image by Julian Fong via Flickr

I attended my first Al-Anon meeting about a year ago, and have attended off and on since then. In honor of my Star Word of 2020, sure, I’m ramping up my commitment to 12-Step work. Since this is the first Monday of the month, today’s meeting focused on the step of the month, Step One. We took turns reading from the Paths to Recovery chapter on the first step.

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol —

that our lives had become unmanageable

There are 12-Step programs for many types of recovery, including alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling and codependency. So the word “alcohol” in Step One can be replaced with whatever is appropriate. In my case, I am working on recovery from my need to control and “fix” people I love — a habit I developed growing up watching loved ones struggle with the effects of alcoholism.

The word “powerless” stops many of us in our tracks. Doesn’t that mean giving up? On the other hand, I have been a faithful Bible student and churchgoer for years. Can’t I pat myself on the back for being highly spiritual and yielding to a higher power?

Not so fast. At the same time I am trusting God, I am searching for the nearest phone booth so I can put on my cape. Today’s meeting shined a light on that habit, as well as my tendency to feel like a failure if my superhero powers fall short. 

I think every Al-Anon meeting I’ve attended has at least one aha! moment. My moment came with the realization that I not only need to acknowledge God’s power; I need to admit my own powerlessness. Otherwise, I keep getting in God’s way. You know how it goes: “I’m handing this over to You, Lord — but here, let me put my cape on in case You’re too busy!”

So I’m back in the program, doing the inner work. Looking forward to the next meeting. Finding a sponsor.

Losing the cape!

Have a blessed week!

Star Word 2020: Sure

My favorite day of the year at church is the day we choose our Star Words for the new year. We celebrate Epiphany — the commemoration of the visit of the Magi to the Christ child — by discovering and following our own stars. As we walk up the center aisle to take communion, we choose from dozens of cut-out paper stars, that lie face down on a table. We like to say that the words choose us as much as we choose the words. In past years, my words have intrigued me, inspired me and even scared me.

This year, my Star Word is “sure.” When I returned to my seat and read my word this morning, I immediately found it empowering and challenging. Like many of my fellow worshipers, I grabbed my phone and did a little research.

Here’s what Merriam Webster has to say:

Sure — 1) marked by or given to feelings of confident certainty
             2) characterized by a lack of wavering or hesitation

Hmm. This seems to speak to my tendency toward indecisiveness. At times, I take forever to make a decision. Maybe a nudge toward more readily stepping out in faith?

I like these related words: assured, positive, certain, confident.

“Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)

“Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;” 2 Peter 1:10 (NKJV)

“Sure” feels like a confirmation as I go through a period of discernment. This fall, I stepped out of my comfort zone and taught an adult Sunday school class. I took my novice vows with the Order of Ecumenical Franciscans. I was nominated to be a deacon at church. And I’m sensing a tug toward deeper ministry.

“Sure” feels like a prompting, a what-are-you-waiting-for call. Time to focus on that inner work. A renewed commitment to 12-step work, spiritual practices, prayer.  

One thing I’m sure of is my admiration for the ministry of Compassion International.

The holiday season has come and gone, but you can still make a child’s day very special through Compassion International. You can sponsor a child for $38 a month. There are also many ways you can help children with a one-time donation, including critical needs, disaster relief and the unsponsored children’s fund. 

What word has chosen you this year? I pray that you experience a year of unexpected joys and a neverending sense of God’s presence!